Marriage is one of those relationships that impact our lives in the most profound ways. So we might as well make it a beautiful place to rest! In more ways than one we can transform our marriage into what we want it to be with time and effort. A marriage is like a garden. It needs to be tended to, nurtured and loved to make it the way we want it to be.
Here are a few practical ways to influence your marriage for the better:
1.Communicate In Your Marriage
Often, over time or even in the early stages of a relationship the need and value on communicating with one’s partner is overlooked. Communication works both ways – from the side of the speaker as well as the listener. It is what keeps people feeling connected to each other, it keeps partners sharing, listening and responding, thus showing that they are still invested in a relationship. It makes partner’s feel heard, understood and valued. These are important feelings to nurture as they improve the quality of a relationship greatly.
Therefore, communicate clearly what you want, how you feel and what you think. Your partner cannot read your mind and guess what is going on with you. Let them know respectfully what you are experiencing. Avoid blaming and suppression of feelings as this leads to feelings of disconnection and emotional outbursts. Communicate regularly and often!
Use “I” statements and name feelings so partners can understand what you are experiencing. “I feel angry and frustrated when the dishes are not washed properly, ” instead of ” You don’t wash the dishes properly and it’s annoying.” When we share how we feel in a way that is not attacking or blaming, our partner is more likely to respond to us in a favorable manner.
Listen to the heart of your partner, try and understand the core of what is being said as opposed to being ready to take offense to something that is said. The goal of communicating is to feel closer to your partner by sharing how you feel and being heard.
2. Being Mindful In Marriage
Mindfulness is a great tool, not only for ourselves but also to use in a marriage and with out partners. Being mindful entails observing and noticing what is going on inside us. It means observing our feelings, thoughts and actions and noticing the way these things impact ourselves and people around us.
Therefore I encourage you to be mindful of your behaviour when stressed, anxious or frustrated. Make a conscious effort not to take it out on your spouse so they receive the brunt of your frustration. Be mindful not to displace anger, frustration, discontent and other emotions onto your partner especially when they stem from another place. Remember your partner is on your team. They could be a support to you during this time.
3. Self-care In Marriage
A marriage is made up of two people. When we don’t stop and care for ourselves we slowly lose who we are, we fade away and slowly there ceases to exist two being in a marriage. Keep a strong hold of who you are, don’t forget this over the course of time.
Do things that make you happy on a daily basis. Do things that provide you with interesting experiences, like joining an art class or engaging in a hobby. Take care of your mental, emotional and physical health. See a counsellor to work out personal issues. Work out, eat healthy, be kind to yourself through hard times.
The way eating food is not optional, neither is self-care. Take responsibility for your own well-being. It is not your partners’ job to make you happy, it’s your own job to make you happy. The truth is, you can only make your partner as happy as you yourself are!! So care for yourself.
In Summary
Marriages require time, effort and love to grow and thrive. A great marriage is not born. It is made …. slowly over time. Remember it is never too late to start working on your marriage. Try these tips for now and wait for more…!
Copyright © Yellowbrickcounseling.com | Author: Anugrah Bhagwat
